Author Topic: Star Wars: Santa Claus Strikes Back (Merry Christmas!)  (Read 17416 times)

Offline SWSF Hale

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Star Wars: Santa Claus Strikes Back (Merry Christmas!)
« on: December 25, 2009, 02:59:42 AM »
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away...
 
STAR WARS
SANTA CLAUS STRIKES BACK

 
It is a period of civil war. Santa Claus has delivered toys to children across the galaxy for years.

Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, Santa Claus and his elves have established a new secret

base on the remote ice world of North Pole.  The evil lord Darth Vader, obsessed with finding Santa Claus,

has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space...
 
EXTERIOR: SPACE -- IMPERIAL FLEET
 
Darth Vader's Star Destroyer, larger and more awesome than the five Imperial Star Destroyers
that surround it, sits in the vastness of space. The six huge ships are surrounded by a
convoy of smaller spacecraft. TIE fighters dart to and fro.
 
INTERIOR: DARTH VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- BRIDGE -- MAIN CONTROL DECK
 
Controllers working the vast complex of electronic controls hear ominous approaching
footsteps and look up from their controls. The squat, evil-looking Admiral Ozzel and the
young, powerfully built General Veers, who have been conferring near the front, also feel the
approaching presence and turn toward it. Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, enters like a chill
wind. As Vader moves across the wide bridge, Captain Piett hurries up to Ozzel.
 
PIETT: Admiral.
 
OZZEL: Yes, Captain
 
PIETT: I think we've got something, sir. The report is only a fragment from a probe droid in the North Pole system, but it's the best lead we've had.
 
OZZEL: (irritated) We have thousands of probe droids searching the galaxy. I want proof, not leads!
 
PIETT: The visuals indicate life readings.
 
OZZEL: It could mean anything. If we followed every lead...
 
PIETT: But, sir, the North Pole system is supposed to be devoid of lifeforms.
 
Vader moves to a large screen showing an image of Santa's Toy Factory. Elven speeders can be seen approaching the base in the distance.
 
VADER: You found something?
 
PIETT: Yes, my lord.
 
VADER: (studying the image on the console screen) That's it. Santa Claus is there.
 
OZZEL: My lord, there are so many uncharted settlements. It could be smugglers, it could be...
 
VADER: That is the system. And I'm sure his Reindeer are with him. Set your course for the North Pole system... General Veers, prepare you men!
 
INTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- VADER'S CHAMBER -- MEDITATION CUBICLE
 
The dark cubicle is illuminated by a single shaft of light which falls on the brooding Dark Lord as he sits on a raised meditation cube. General Veers enters the room and approaches the silent, unmoving Vader. Although seemingly very sure of himself, Veers is still not bold enough to interrupt the meditating lord. The younger general stands quietly at attention until the evil presence speaks.
 
VADER: What is it, General?
 
VEERS: My lord, the fleet has moves out of light-speed. Com-Scan has detected an energy field protecting an area around the sixth planet of the North Pole system. The field is strong enough to deflect any bombardment.
 
VADER: (angrily) Santa Claus is alerted to our presence. Admiral Ozzel came out of light-speed too close to the system.
 
VEERS: He felt surprise was wiser...
 
VADER: He is as clumsy as he is stupid. General, prepare your troops for a surface attack.
 
VEERS: Yes, my lord.
 
Veers turns smartly and leaves as Vader activates a large viewscreen showing the bridge of his mighty ship. Admiral Ozzel appears on the viewscreen, standing slightly in front of Captain Piett.
 
OZZEL: Lord Vader, the fleet has moved out of light-speed, and we're preparing to...Aaagh!
 
VADER: You have failed me for the last time, Admiral! - Captain Piett...
 
Piett steps forward, as the admiral moves away, slightly confused, touching his throat as it begins to constrict painfully.
 
PIETT: Yes, my lord.
 
VADER: Make ready to land out troops beyond the energy shield and deploy the fleet so that nothing gets off that system. You are in command now, Admiral Piett.
 
PIETT: Thank you, Lord Vader.
 
Piett's pleasure about his unexpected promotion is not an unmixed emotion. He glances warily at the struggling Admiral Ozzel who, with a final choke, stumbles and falls in a lifeless heap before him.
 
NORTH POLE BASE: SANTA'S HANGAR
 
Santa Claus and the Reindeer fighters begin their departure from the ice planet.
 
EXTERIOR: SPACE -- IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYER
 
A huge Imperial Star Destroyer rest against a sea of stars, far above the white surface of the planet Hoth.
 
INTERIOR: IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYER -- BRIDGE
 
An Imperial controller approaches his commander.
 
CONTROLLER: Sir, a North Pole ship is coming into our sector.
 
CAPTAIN: Good. Our first catch of the day!
 
INTERIOR: NORTH POLE BASE -- COMMAND CENTER
 
MRS CLAUS: Stand by ion control... Fire!
 
EXTERIOR: NORTH POLE BASE -- ION CANNON
 
The giant ball-shaped ion cannon rotates into position and blasts two red energy beams skyward.
 
EXTERIOR: SPACE -- HOTH -- REBEL TRANSPORT
 
Santa's Sleigh and the Reindeer fly away from the white planet, closely followed by the two red energy beams. As the Sleigh races toward the waiting Imperial Star Destroyer, it is overtaken by the two scarlet energy bolts. The Imperial Star Destroyer is hit in the conning tower by the powerful bolts, which set up fiery explosions on its metal hull. The big Star Destroyer veers, then spins wildly out of control. As the Imperial ship careens into deep space, the Sleigh races away to safety.
 
EXTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- VADER'S CHAMBER
 
Admiral Piett hesitates in the entryway to Vader's private cubicle. After a moment, he steps into the room and pauses at the surprising sight before him. Darth Vader, his back turned, is silhouetted in the gloom on the far side of the chamber. A black, insectlike droid attends him. Among the various apparatuses surrounding them, a respirator tube now retracts from Vader's uncovered head. The head is bald with a mass of ugly scar tissue covering it. The black droid then lowers the mask and helmet onto Vader's head. When it is in place, the Dark Lord turns to face Piett.
 
VADER: Yes, Admiral?
 
PIETT: Our ships have sighted Santa Claus, my lord. But...it has escaped the Star Destroyer TYRANT and has entered an asteroid field, and we cannot risk...
 
VADER: (interrupting) Asteroids do not concern me, Admiral. I want that ship and not excuses.
 
PIETT: Yes, m'lord.
 
INTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- BRIDGE
 
Asteroids collide, creating a fireworks display outside the bridge window. Darth Vader stands, staring out the window above the control deck. Then slowly turns toward the bridge. Before him are the hologram images of twenty battleship commanders. One of these images, the commander of a ship that has just exploded, is fading away quickly. Another image, in the center and a little apart from the others, is faded and continually disrupted by static. It is the image of Captain Needa, commander of the Star Destroyer most hotly on the tail of
 
Santa Claus. Admiral Piett and an aide stand behind the Dark Lord.
 
NEEDA: (in hologram)...and that, Lord Vader, was the last time he appeared in any of our scopes. Considering the amount of damage we've sustained, Santa must have been destroyed.
 
VADER: No, Captain, he and his reindeer are alive. I want every ship available to sweep the asteroid field until they are found.
 
The Imperial star captains fade out one by one as Vader turns to Admiral Piett.
 
PIETT: Lord Vader.
 
VADER: Yes, Admiral, what is it?
 
The admiral is scared, his face white as a sheet.
 
PIETT: The Emperor commands you make contact with him.
 
VADER: Move the ship out of the asteroid field so that we can send a clear transmission.
 
PIETT: Yes, my lord.
 
EXTERIOR: ASTEROID FIELD -- VADER'S STAR DESTROYER
 
Vader's Imperial Star Destroyer moves against the vast sea of stars away from the rest of the fleet.
 
INTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- VADER'S CHAMBER
 
The Dark Lord, Darth Vader, is alone in his chamber. A strange sound enters the room and a light begins to play across Vader's black figure. He looks up and bows quickly. A twelve-foot hologram of the Galactic Emperor materializes before Vader.  His voice is even deeper and more frightening than Vader's.
 
VADER: What is thy bidding, my master?
 
EMPEROR: There is a great disturbance in the Force.
 
VADER: I have felt it.
 
EMPEROR: We have a new enemy -- Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
 
VADER: Yes, my master.
 
EMPEROR: He could destroy us.
 
VADER: He's just a boy. The Snowman can no longer help him.
 
EMPEROR: The Force is strong with him. The son of Skywalker must not be allowed to lead Santa's sleigh into hyperspace.
 
VADER: If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally.
 
EMPEROR: Yes...yes. He would be a great asset. Can it be done?
 
VADER: He will join us or die, my master.
 
Vader kneels. The supreme Emperor passes a hand over the crouched Lord of the Sith and fades away.
 
EXTERIOR: SPACE -- VADER'S STAR DESTROYER
 
Vader's Imperial Star Destroyer moves through space, guarded by its convoy of TIE fighters.
 
INTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- BRIDGE -- CONTROL DECK
 
Vader stands in the back control area of his ship's bridge with a motley group of men and creatures. Admiral Piett and two controllers stand at the front of the bridge and watch thegroup with scorn.
 
PIETT: Bounty hunters. We don't need that scum.
 
FIRST CONTROLLER: Yes, sir.
 
PIETT: Those Rebels won't escape us.
 
A second controller interrupts.
 
SECOND CONTROLLER: Sir, we have a priority signal from the Star Destroyer AVENGER.
 
PIETT: Right.
 
The group standing before Vader is a bizarre array of galactic fortune hunters: There is Bossk, a slimy, tentacled monster with two huge, bloodshot eyes in a soft baggy face; Zuckuss and Dengar, two battle-scarred, mangy human types; IG-88, a battered, tarnished chrome war droid; and Boba Fett, a man in a weapon-covered armored space suit.
 
VADER: ...there will be a substantial reward for the one who finds Santa Claus and his Reindeer. You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want them alive. No disintegrations.
 
BOBA FETT: As you wish.
 
At that moment, Admiral Piett approaches Vader in a rush of excitement.
 
PIETT: Lord Vader! My lord, we have them.
 
EXTERIOR: IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYER, AVENGER -- ASTEROID BELT
 
Santa's Sleigh speeds through deep space, closely followed by a firing Imperial Star Destroyer. A large asteroid about the same size as the Sleigh tumbles rapidly toward the starship. The tiny Sleigh banks to avoid the giant asteroid as smaller rocks pelt its surface. Then the small craft roars under the asteroid which explodes harmlessly on the hull of the vast Star Destroyer.
 
EXTERIOR: SANTA'S SLEIGH -- STAR DESTROYER, AVENGER -- ASTEROID FIELD
 
The Sleigh is hit hard by another bolt from the Star Destroyer which creates a huge explosion near the cockpit of the smaller ship. The Sleigh tilts steeply, then rights itself. The Sleigh banks, makes a steep, twisting turn. In the next moment it is racing toward the Star Destroyer, looking very small against the massive surface of the Imperial ship. As it moves across the surface of the Star Destroyer, the Sleigh bobs and weaves to avoid the numerous flak bursts.
 
INTERIOR: STAR DESTROYER, AVENGER -- BRIDGE
 
The tiny Sleigh heads directly for the Avenger's bridge. The Imperials stationed there are stunned to see the small spaceship racing low across the hull, headed directly at thehuge windows of the bridge area. Alarms go off everywhere. The Destroyer's commander, Captain Needa, can scarcely believe his eyes.
 
NEEDA: They're moving to attack position. Shields up!
 
Needa and his men duck as the Falcon nears the bridge window. At the last minute, the Sleigh veers off and out of sight. All is quiet.
 
NEEDA: Track them; they may come around for another pass.
 
TRACKING OFFICER: Captain Needa, the ship no longer appears on our scopes!
 
NEEDA: Impossible! They can't have disappeared! No ship that small has a cloaking device!
 
TRACKING OFFICER: Well, there's no trace of them, sir.
 
COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: Captain, Lord Vader demands an update on the pursuit.
 
NEEDA: (drawing a breath) Get a shuttle ready. I shall assume full responsibility for losing them, and apologize to Lord Vader. Meanwhile, continue to scan the area.
 
COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: Yes, Captain Needa.
EXTERIOR: SPACE -- IMPERIAL FLEET
 
The fleet around Vader's Star Destroyer now includes Needa's Star Destroyer, the Avenger.
 
INTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- BRIDGE
 
VADER: Apology accepted, Captain Needa.
 
Clutching desperately at his throat, Captain Needa slumps down, then falls over on his back, at the feet of Darth Vader. Two stormtroopers pick up the lifeless body and carry it quickly away as Admiral Piett and two of his captains hurry up to the Dark Lord.
 
PIETT: Lord Vader, our ships have completed their scan of the area and found nothing. If the Santa Claus went into light-speed, he'll be on the other side of the galaxy by now.
 
VADER: Alert all commands. Calculate every possible destination along their last know trajectory.
 
PIETT: Yes, my lord. We'll find them.
 
VADER: Don't fail me again, Admiral!
 
Vader exits as the admiral turns to an aide, a little more uneasy than when he arrived.
 
PIETT: Alert all commands. Deploy the fleet.
LUCIDIUS HALE
STAR WARS SIMMING FORUM